Whats up .. Been a while now, keeping myself busy or atleast, trying to.. I've noticed that's whats most important. Got two months clean and sober on the 16th, looking forward to it? Not really but i guess in it's own way it's a milestone in my journey to infinty. I got crawings, so bad, just want one more high, but if so i know i'm fucked. Still haven't seen my son, yet, and i'm fighting for custody. My son means so much to me, he's three and a half, like i've mentioned, hurts to say but my love for him is aligned with my craving for drugs.. I just don't know who i am anymore, addiction is all i know. But i think the most relevant is i WANT to change .. It might sound selfish in a weird kind of way but i BREATHE only for my son, i couldn't give a crap about myself, i want to love myself, but don't know how. Atleast like myself would be a great start.
'Nuff of semantics, i'm still in pain from my nervedamage, ironicly caused by my addiction, shooting up benzos. I do believe it is getting better, atleast from time to time, some nights i just scream and hit shit because of the pain. Still in rehab, still strugglin' with understanding man kind and still craving that one, last, hit.
To all addicts out there, if you want to get(stay) clean and sober there's always a way. Somehow, somewhere you will find yourself. This is JOKER (new nickname, wahaha) signing out. Peace!